I came to a stark realization a few weeks ago after a particular date. I was set up by a friend and got some great feedback into the psyche of the female brain after i take them out. Some of it was meant as an insult, but it landed like a compliment, and that made it even clearer why my recent dates had been going sideways. A lot of the time you don’t notice you’re drifting off course until somebody hands you a reaction you weren’t expecting, and then all the little details start lining up

I came to a stark realization a few weeks ago after a particular date. I was set up by a friend and got some great feedback into the psyche of the female brain after i take them out. Some of it was meant as an insult, but it landed like a compliment, and that made it even clearer why my recent dates had been going sideways. A lot of the time you don’t notice you’re drifting off course until somebody hands you a reaction you weren’t expecting

I realized i used to have more of that right balance, and that showed up in everyday interactions like haircuts, bank services, and government services. When i stopped forcing a front and became more myself, people responded better, and the same pattern showed up on a later date when i toned it down. The night flowed better, she was more excited, and everything felt more natural. Once that balance is back, the whole interaction stops feeling like a performance.

Looks like this only happened on dates because i was consciously behaving a certain way, amping up different aspects, and experimenting. I’m going back to my old, albeit more refined, behavior. Lesson learned: know where you initially stand before taking advice to the maximum. If you don’t know your starting point, even solid advice can push you into the wrong lane and make you feel like you’re improving when you’re actually just getting further from the mark.